I have this thing for Balzac. I do. I don't fully understand it since he's this early 19th century French writer and I'm an Americanist whose French is spotty. But the fascination started when I was in college.I told my French 101 teacher, when she asked us about our 'goals' in the class, that I intended to be able to read Balzac's entire Human Comedy in the original French (la Comédie Humaine ensemble dans l'original français).
She laughed.
At a huge book swap one year, I found the entire collection of the Human Comedy -- something like 17 volumes -- in a box for 30 bucks. I couldn't afford it. I walked away from that box with a big pang in my heart. The next year, I went back to the book swap and found the same box, with all volumes, that had not sold the previous year. I borrowed the money to buy them. I still have them. I'm staring at them on my bookshelf right now.
But near that collection of the Human Comedy (complete with original image plates like the one in the pic above) on my shelf is another collection of Honoré de Balzac's writing ... Droll Stories. Well, there are actually two copies. One was stolen.
Yes, I know. I confessed this to a friend once (a friend who gave me Balzac's biography for a birthday present) who called me 'the scum of the earth' for stealing a book. He took no Abbie Hoffman like stance. There is nothing, was nothing, noble about stealing a book ... from the library no less ... from a library I worked at no less ...
But this is what happened: Freshman year I'm working in the stacks of my local anonymous-maybe-campus-maybe-not-library. I may have already developed my strange Balzac fetish, from what origin I simply don't remember, or I may not have, but, in any event, I come across this beautiful but dusty cloth bound version of Droll Stories, complete with image plates (like the Human Comedy I would buy years later). I take the book off the shelf and turn the onion leaf pages and I was, I kid you not, filled with literal (no pun) glee. And then, I turn to the last page where the card pocket was and the check-out card with a record of readers and dates the book had been borrowed.
Never. Never-ever-ever!
The book had been sitting on the shelf of the library for about 35 years, in my estimate from the anonymous-maybe-campus-maybe-not-library 'Rec'd' stamp on the inside cover, and had not once been checked-out by anyone.
Now, Balzac, he was a peculiar fellow. He wrote incessantly. I think he might have even had what is now called 'hypergraphia' -- yes, hyper-writing disease. Some people believe Tennyson had this affliction as well, but, I digress. Balzac wrote many titles under the names of rich men who wanted to include the title of 'author' among their accolades. He wrote for money so that he could afford lamp oil to stay up all night and write his own work (per the myth presented of him in the gifted biography). He wasn't of any nobility. He included the 'de' in his name with purpose, making him Honoré de Balzac, in the same way the baby brother of the famous singer who has no job of his own drives around in an Escalade to perhaps appear a bit more 'regal' himself. Balzac was a little obese, and a little bit oily, as in poor hygiene, and not so attractive, but none of this stopped him from believing in his own greatness. Flights of fancy aren't rare, but it is rare that a trickster who deludes himself that he's Great actually ends up being Great.
How could I let this cloth bound version of Droll Stories linger another day on this dusty shelf? And so, I took it, with the justification that Balzac, with all of his midnight delusions and body odor and abusive parents and fake title of nobility, deserved to be loved by someone, and that someone was going to be me.
Now, the truth is, I have two volumes of this book. I stole that book to save it and to save Balzac, but as a book lover, I never recovered from the guilt. It literally haunted me. I couldn't even display the book on my shelf. And then along came the era of eBay and to my surprise, I was able to find an exact copy, cloth bound and all, of Droll Stories.
My plan was to anonymously mail the new book back to that old anonymous-maybe-campus-maybe-not-library. I imagined the surprise of the librarian (the woman I'd worked under would surely be retired, or dead, by now, right?) as he or she opened the package and read my confessional note. I imagined that someone might even write it up in the local paper: 'Anonymous Thief Returns Lost Collection of Balzac's Droll Stories' ... I wondered, even, if they might figure out who the thief was, track me down, and either sue me or interview me for the story.
What is that little ditty ... the road to Hell is paved with good intentions (?).
My good intentions are still sitting on my bookshelf, partly because I fear that the book will continue to rot on the shelf in the back of a seldom used anonymous-maybe-campus-maybe-not-library in the Pennsylvania countryside and all of Balzac's sleepless manic nights will have been, once again, in vain. Each new year comes and goes and I promise myself I will mail one of those copies back to that library (to sit and rot and never be read again, again, again) and I can't bring myself to do it.
Until now ... because I have finally remembered from where my obsession with Balzac came. It came from the moment that I found that dusty cloth bound book sitting on a shelf where it had been for 35 years, apparently, untouched. When I tucked the Droll Stories under my arm to take home that day, I apparently took the ghost of Balzac with me.
And so I've promised-- I've promised myself, I've promised Balzac, I've promised Mrs. Tiffany the librarian (whose name I've changed to protect her, retired or expired, though she may be), I've promised the friend ( who was actually an ex-boyfriend, which qualifies, to some extent, the 'scum of the earth' comment) to make it to the post office this year and mail that book back to that dusty old anonymous-maybe-campus-maybe-not-library.
I have even set a date: February 14th. Valentines Day -- just to show a little symbolic love to Balzac, the great impostor (imposteur) turned authentic genius that he was.
I imagine writing the narrative of my crime and calling it The Thief and the Trickster, which sounds so much like a Balzac title, no? And yes, it is true, that if you've looked, Valentine's Day actually falls on a Sunday this year. I'm hoping to happen upon the road to redemption with my intent, but, if the road to Hell is (in fact) paved with good intentions ... I'm in big trouble.










